#Parody Canada’s Climate Refugee Plan

Posted: March 18, 2019 by oldbrew in alarmism, climate, humour
Tags: ,


Tired of being harangued by insistent climate doomsters with their wildly over-hyped scaremongering and dubious ‘science’? Read on for some well-earned light relief.

Gavin Schmidt tweeted that he liked a #ClimateStrike poster that read “Soon even moving to Canada isn’t going to solve our problems.” 

That reminded us that we had a parody submission on the Canadian government’s tiered climate refugee program, that would at least be worth a laugh, if not serious consideration for some!!

See what you think, say Friends of Science Calgary.

Introduction to the Climate Refugee Plans

If you are reading this, you are no doubt deeply concerned by the most recent report of the Intergovernmental Prognosticators of Climate Catastrophes (the “IPCC”), which confirms what the members of that panel have known since before their research began: humans have put just too darn much carbon dioxide into the air.

Now, if the developed world spends trillions and trillions of dollars very quickly to completely destroy and then rebuild its energy infrastructure so as not to use any of those nasty fossil fuels, sends hundreds of billions of dollars in climate reparations to third-world dictators, and gives unelected officials sweeping powers to control our lives and redistribute wealth, the world just might be able to avert hotter (or perhaps colder) temperatures, more (or possibly less) snow, more (or possibly less) wind, more (or possibly fewer) hurricanes, too much rain or too little rain, stronger and more frequent (or maybe not) tornadoes, fewer dog-walking opportunities, reduced male fertility, and a whole bunch of unprecedented weather events just too nasty to think about.

But what if our best efforts fail? What happens if spending a hundred trillion dollars or more does not limit the temperature increase to an arbitrary 1.5°C (which used to be an arbitrary 2°C) above the arbitrary baseline at an arbitrarily chosen level of CO₂ at a randomly selected point in Earth’s 4-billion-year history?

What if the gas you breathe out—the gas that plants turn into oxygen and that makes up a tiny fraction of all the greenhouse gases in the atmosphere—is not the control knob for Earth’s temperature after all?

What then?

Well, we have good news for you! Canada’s Climate Refugee Plans™ are here. Canada has come up with the following climate refugee plans that will save most of peoplekind™ from the ravages of there being just too much plant food in the air, causing plants to grow bigger and stronger and to inhabit areas where they just wouldn’t grow before.

You can choose the plan that best matches your status in the world: the Climate Scientist Plan™, the Global Warming Journalist Plan™, the Tropical Islander’s Plan™, or the Everyone Else. Well, almost everyone else: for the truly elite among you, we also have the Movie Star Plan™!

Old stock Canucks need not despair, though, because Canada needs you, too: after all, who else could we get to pay for all of this?

Continued here.

Comments
  1. Bob Greene says:

    Observations from those of us who live on Interstate 95 (Maine to Miami highway) show that moving to Canada would be easier driving since most of the south-bound traffic has Ontario license plates.

  2. spetzer86 says:

    How will they even attempt to build the RE infrastructure without fossil fuel sourced energy and materials? The concept is crazy on its face.

  3. oldbrew says:

    Catastrophic flooding caused by rapid snowmelt and heavy rain, agriculture devastated, U.S.
    Posted March 18, 2019

    The massive flooding event was triggered by a rare combination of rapid snowmelt, ice-covered rivers, saturated frozen soil, and heavy rain from the so-called “Bomb Cyclone” or Winter Storm “Ulmer,” as it was named by The Weather Channel.

    https://watchers.news/2019/03/18/catastrophic-flood-nebraska-march-2019/

  4. oldbrew says:

    Not a parody…?

    Every Year, the Swiss Cover Their Melting Glaciers in White Blankets
    By Rafi Letzter, Staff Writer | March 7, 2018 08:05am

    https://www.livescience.com/61951-swiss-glacier-blanket.html
    – – –
    What are they afraid of?

  5. Athelstan. says:

    Athabasca tar sands, I always say to peak oil claimants and there’s some brown stuff in yer face!

    In other news, Canuckistan is very cold at this time of year, perfect weather for dem white bears, if were all unlucky maybe the bears will cross an ice bridge from Svalbaard, or hitch down the I95 with the frost and snow, hey it’s cool man.

  6. ivan says:

    oldbrew I call fake news on the livescience article. Enlarging the picture they provide there are a few problems, 1) since the wind blows reasonably strongly around there those ‘blankets’ aren’t secure in place so there is nothing to stop them blowing all over the Alps. 2) there is no evidence of scuff marks that would indicate getting the ‘blankets’ into place. 3) to get any meaningful amount of ‘blankets’ up there would require mechanical transport – again no evidence of such.

    The definition of the photo isn’t good enough to confirm it is a photoshopped exhibit – it could be a special staged photo or it could be the result of wind and sun carving the ice.

  7. oldbrew says:

    Here’s the WashPo version.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/melting-swiss-glaciers-get-unusual-protection-as-weather-warms-white-blankets/2018/03/09/6c3336c0-2230-11e8-badd-7c9f29a55815_story.html

    This year, like every year, a group of Swiss will traipse up through the mountains to the Rhone Glacier, hauling huge white blankets.

  8. ivan says:

    oldbrew, I find it interesting that much noise about this is from the US MSM and their green bolggers.

    I have asked a Swiss friend if he knew anything about it, his response was it appeared to be the idiots that carved out the ice cave trying to save their money making enterprise.

    There is another place where a ski-lift company is trying some hi-tech material to stop excessive melting of the Gurschen glacier beneath its upper cable car station. they have covered 2500 square metres but that is over the snow ramp that is there to allow skiers access to the ski runs.

    I looks like it is a commercial thing that has been picked up by the climatologist scare machine and is being used to increase the pressure on the US Pres to declare that the global warming myth is real and cough up more money for the UN.

  9. oldbrew says:

    We can say for sure they would need a heck of a lot of blankets to cover all the Swiss glaciers 😆

    And they wouldn’t change the air temperature anyway.

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