Dominic Lawson: Is Extinction Rebellion a Big Oil conspiracy? 

Posted: April 23, 2019 by oldbrew in alarmism, climate, humour

Oxford Circus climate demo [image credit: London Evening Standard]

The actors in the eco-farce playing out on our streets beggar belief, writes Dominic Lawson in The Sunday Times.
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Revealed: the contents of a WhatsApp exchange over the past few days between Brett, the Texas-based head of Huge Oil Inc, and his Mr Fixit in London, Sebastian.

“Howdy, Seb. What’s the latest about the demos we’ve planned to discredit those eco-freaks trying to wreck our business?”

“Hi, Brett. All systems go for Operation Piss-take. You wouldn’t believe there are so many out-of-work actors anxious to make a few bucks pretending to be members of something called Extinction Rebellion.”

“Well, that’s the market working in all its divine beauty, Seb.”

“It’s going great, Brett — better than we could ever have expected. Just want to give you a few standouts. First of all, the road-blocking has cost businesses millions, ambulances have been delayed and loads of deliveries have been cancelled. Some of the fresh food never made it. So it brings home to everyone how vital the energy we provide for transport is, and how much worse off we’d all be without it. And this is the really sweet bit: because the London traffic was kept idling for hours, they burnt through a whole lot more oil than normal.”

“Seb, all I can say is hallelujah and praise the good Lord who bestowed hydrocarbons for the benefit of all mankind, and most especially Huge Oil Inc, that we may prosper mightily!”

“If you say so, Brett. Anyway, we’ve also got them to declare that on day two they will block public transport, including the Docklands Light Railway — you know, that damn so-called clean electric one. So even more people will have to make their work journey by car — and that means more sales for Huge Oil.”

“You’re the man, Seb! But are the actors convincing everyone that they really are members of a revolutionary anti-capitalist movement? Do they look and sound the part?”

“Absolutely, Brett. We’ve been careful not to have any real working-class actors — not that there are many of those left — or even middle-class actors putting on working-class accents. Our guys know the anti-capitalist movement is run (if that’s the word) by privately educated kids whose parents have given them enough pocket money that they don’t have to do a proper job themselves. And you won’t see a single non-white face on our — I mean their — demo, I guarantee. It’s totally realistic.”

Continued here.

  1. oldbrew says:

    “And which was your favourite actor in our little West End show, Seb?”

    “That has to be Dame Emma Thompson. She flew in 5,400 miles from Los Angeles so she could star at the demo. She made a clenched-fist salute, telling the nation that the occupation would continue until the government does what she wants.”

    “Thompson? Isn’t she the one who called the UK a ‘cake-filled, misery-laden grey old island’? I kinda thought she had a point there.”

    “That’s our girl. And she’s also the climate change campaigner who began her relationship with her husband when he grabbed a lift on the private jet she was using to get to Cannes to promote her latest movie. She said a private plane was ‘very, very romantic’.”

    “Man, Dame Thompson really gets the beauty of plentiful gasoline. I reckon she could be our poster girl.”

  2. oldbrew says:

    Extinction Rebellion: How might ministers win over the protesters?
    By Roger Harrabin
    BBC environment analyst
    23 April 2019

    I recently borrowed an electric car for a trial visit into deepest Dorset. Both local charging stations malfunctioned, so I plugged into my sister-in-law’s house. It blew her electrics. Sorry, Jane.

  3. ivan says:

    I wonder if Huge Oil Inc, is a shell company for fronting open society foundations?

  4. Saighdear says:

    Mind boggles: listening o Idiots – I HAVE o do th most days – part of my job, But having our poitico MSM types ACTING on their advice? Time or a STEP Change. Need more Nigels.

    Huh, Re:Harrabin’s trip to Dorset: …. surprised more hasn’t been made of it. HOW does one take down Domestic Power supply from a 13A plug? Now if his sister had a Proper Charging Outlet wih much greater Current output, that would have been a different matter. Maybe he did some incompetent DIY and joined a few 13A plugs togeher ? Such would appear to be his Logic. Funny how he couldn’t bring himself to tell us HOW ( the manner of ) the electrics blew. Yes a little learning / knowledge is a DANGEROUS thing

  5. Graeme No.3 says:

    That acquits Harrabin; he hasn’t any knowledge and isn’t learning any.

  6. Saighdear says:

    Comment should have read: Mind boggles: listening To Idiots – I HAVE To do thAT most days
    NOW I have to put up with Windows 10 -Keyboard can’t keep up whatever the settings = ‘cos the CPU is busy doing soemtHing I shouldn’t know about!
    YOu’d hin that afer 50 years of programming, the Computer SOftware Industry which impacts upon us in so many ways, would KNOW how to do their job.

    Now @Graeme No 3. ..Acquit that Gitt Harrabin? not likely….. just cannot be doing with him or his cronies. I regret the day my Dearest took over the responsibility for paying the TV Licence – to keep the peace! Peace? I F U M E every tome I hear from those Idiots… and no cow-towing to that poor girlie – should she not have been reprimanded for skipping school …. I don’t want to go work or pay taxes anymore because there ‘IS NO FUTURE’ and so why spend to help others ??? Cov spit!!

  7. oldbrew says:

    At least all this climate miserablism gives us some deluded saddos to be amused by – including ‘Saint’ David :/

    Unless of course they’re messing up your daily life.